Curiosity

Today I gave a clutter busting talk for the staff at a library. They were going to be clutter busting all their offices and storerooms and wanted me to talk with them about how to let go. I told them stories from the clutter busting front lines, like I do with you through this blog.

Then I went to work with the staff to assist them in their clutter busting. They were very enthusiastic. I think because I didn't tell them they had to get rid of things. I emphasized being curious about the things in their space, to see if they really fit there any longer or not. Curiosity is within our nature. We're naturally inquisitive. It's a good way to inspire yourself or another. Rather than, "Oh, God, I've got to clutter bust", they were thinking, "Let's see what's here, and maybe I'll find I can let some of it can go."

I worked with one of the staff in her office. She pointed to the metallic office organizer behind her desk. She said, "That's my nightmare!" She had the look of dread in her eyes. She didn't want to get near it. She wanted me to take out the items and ask her about them. I did. It turns out half of the things were from her predecessor who left two years ago. This woman today didn't need any of it. The rest of it were outdated inner office memos. She tossed those too. She was shocked that it was so easy. She had been afraid of this clutter hotel for a long time. I asked her if she could let the metal organizer go. She hesitated. She said, "But aren't those supposed to help you?" I said, It might help some people, but not you. It doesn't fit you. It's like you tried on this shoe, and it doesn't fit. It doesn't support you." She breathed and let it go.

This weekend I encourage you to use this clutter busting curiosity with the things in your bathroom. Be intrigued by what's under your sink. Be fascinated by the things in your medicine cabinet. See if you can find the things that you are not using in your shower. I've seen a lot of clients discover excess shampoos, conditioners, toiletries, soaps, medicine, towels, sponges and other various things that they don't care for anymore. It doesn't matter if you spent money on it, if you're not using it, it creates a chaotic and heavy effect on the space that you'll feel better without. Bring a trash bag with you so you can help these space loiterers to move on.

Getting Through the Inertia of Clutter

Today's client was ready, willing and able to toss a lot of things. Some clients are very open to letting go. They just need someone there to help them start and encourage them along the way. I think it's hard for us to take that first step and look at something and ask, "Do I like this anymore, or can I let it go?" We are taught that things are our source of happiness, and we believe it, even when they are cluttering up our homes and lives.

She was filling up bags with books she was no longer reading, and CDs she wasn't listening to anymore. She was amazed at how easy it was. It was a matter-of-fact feeling. "No, I'm not using that anymore." Clutter Busting makes it okay to look, notice, and let it go. She was enjoying the feeling of freedom it was giving her.

We were going through things on her desk when she came to an old laptop computer. Suddenly all her enthusiasm and openess shutdown. She looked like a TV that was showing a program and was suddenly unplugged. She was gone. I asked her about the laptop. She wasn't feeling capable of dealing with it. She started to move on to something else. I brought her back to the computer. She looked depressed and listless. She was under the influence of this clutter.

When people are working by themselves and they come across something that has this type of effect on them, they usually give up and do something else, and they feel that in some way they failed. She didn't know why she was feeling like this. I said that it can be hard to know why things have a negative effect, but we can know the effect and that's enough to make us do something about it. I said it was best to take care of this so it won't continue to pollute her or her home.

She resisted. I had her turn on the computer. She found a few files that she needed for her business. She copied the information on a memory stick. I got her to take that information and put it on her current computer. When a client finds something they need to take care, I help them finish it, so it doesn't become another source of clutter. Once she did this, she agreed to donate the computer. She said she would take it to a place to have the harddrive scrubbed. The life started to return to her. It was a sobering awareness. It made her very present. It's amazing how healthy that makes people feel.

Kind Matter of Factness

One of my first clients was a woman who was very unhappy in her home. She trembled when she spoke. She couldn't stand still. She talked rapidly about a number of random things. I thought the best thing to do was begin right away with the clutter busting. I began asking her about specific things in her kitchen. She responded by saying, "Shut up!" I was kind of startled. I ignored what she said and continued asking about her things. She continued saying, "Shut up!" After the fifth shut up I realized I wasn't helping and it wasn't a healthy situation. I said I was going.

Suddenly she snapped out of her way of being. She apologized. It was like the light had been turned on in her. It felt like she went from being a scared five year old girl, to a strong woman in her actual age of mid 50s. She was probably used to hiding in the five year old as a means of self-protection, but the distorted effect it was having on her was clutter. I told her this by describing how much healthier she looked when she shifted gears.

She said that she felt constant agitation in her home. She dreaded coming back to her place. She could never sit still. She never finished anything. She slept horribly. I said, "The agitation you feel in your home corrupts you. It disrupts your happiness. It's not your fault you live this way because when you feel this agitated, you can't think clearly. You were probably telling yourself 'shut up!' in you head constantly. The thing is, you can do something about this situation now. You can work with me and ask yourself questions about each thing in your home so we can root out the things that are making you feel distressed."

She agreed. I think kind matter-of-factness helps a lot. It helps to point out what's actually happening without bringing in blame. It helps you see the situation clearly. From there, your self-reliance kicks in and you start to function well again.

Knowing When Something is Part of Your Life

One of my clients emailed me after we worked together and told me she liked my easy going approach. She said she felt that if during the clutter bust we found a jar of dirt and she wanted to keep it, I would say that it would be okay as long as she put the jar of dirt out where she could see it so she could enjoy it.

I've never had a client with a jar of dirt, but I've seen a lot of amazing things and I never feel that any particular item is clutter. It's the person's lack of connection with the thing that makes it clutter and not part of their life.

I've seen people pull something out of a box that they hadn't seen for eight years, and they get excited, and they want to keep it and put it back in the box. I'll say that if they want to keep it they need to put it somewhere where it's actually a part of their life. If it goes back in the box, it disappears again for another eight years. That's not part of their life.

Sometimes it's a little frustrating for them in that moment. Their habit has been to store things that are not a part of their life. That way of living has caused them a lot of pain. It's why they hired me. They look at this thing and think, "What am I going to do with this?" Since it's usually not a part of their life right now, they can't come up with an answer. It's the emotional attachment that makes them want to hang onto it, put it in a box, and not do anything with it. They feel if they let it go, they lose something that's important. But it's the having to think about what they're going to do with it, and not coming up with an answer that allows the emotional attachment to fall away. At this point they usually sigh and let the thing go. The great thing is, they go from looking stressed and worried, to being relaxed and free.

Sometimes people do find something and they put it out so they can see it. They enjoy the interactive connection they get from having it out in view. This works as long as the thing has some space around it. If there are lots of things lying out, its distressing for the eye to see, and those things get ignored. This clutter busting process that I use is about doing things that make you feel right sided. You feel good. You're not fighting your space. You're doing things that make you feel aware and at home in your living space.

Freedom

Recently I was helping someone clutter bust her files. They were in plastic containers in her kitchen. They were completely jam packed. This dissuaded her from getting close to their territory. Even her looking in their direction made her look ill. I felt that had to be really hard on her to have something like this in her kitchen. Even if she wasn't looking at it, it made her sick in some way.

I had her sit down and I brought her one file at a time. If a file was too big, I gave her pieces of a file to go through. This made it easier for her since she didn't have to venture into the files. She could see one thing at a time which is always easier. We get overwhelmed when there are too many things to consider.

I had a trash container right next to her. I gave her quiet time to look at each thing I brought her. If she looked like she was getting stuck, I asked her about the things she was looking at. Some things are loaded. They may just be pieces of paper, but the things on the paper have heavy emotional signifigance. Often the person going through the things is very fragile, so sometimes the smallest overload can make them shut down. So I'm gentle and I say, "What's that thing you're looking at? Is that something you actually need, or can we let it go? Would you be okay if that file had somehow gotten lost?" I help them ask the questions they would normally ask themselves if they were feeling okay.

She was going along at a good pace until I came upon the super loaded file. She looked at it and went extremely pale. It looked like she turned to stone. If she was a computer, she would definelty have crashed. It turns out those were her divorce papers. The divorce had happened a long, long time ago. But she was reacting as if it had just happened. That's the effect that clutter has on us. It's not rational. But it emotionally clobbers us. It shuts us down and makes us incapable of making a decision.

I had to talk with her for a few minutes to help her get some space between those papers and herself. She started to see that she didn't need the papers, yet she was frozen in her abilities to let them go. I had her notice in detail the effect those papers were having on her. I let her know that the effect on her was happening in varying degrees all the time, and that she had gotten used to it. And that she was noticing it now with greater feeling because her full attention was on it. There was just her and the papers. I said, "The divorce is over. You're free now. You don't have to live like this anymore. This is something that is over. You're safe. It's okay."

She let go of the papers and they fell into the trash. She looked tremendously relieved. The color came back to her face in full. She looked like she had been plugged back in and turned on. The possession was over.

Clutter Busting with a Kid

Today I clutter busted with a kid. Kids are generally easy to work with. They are matter of fact about their things. It's either, "Yes, I like this", or "No, I don't care about that anymore." I think it helps that I'm easy in my approach with them. I don't care what they keep or get rid of. I think sometimes their parents might be less patient with them. Probably too they like an adult that just wants to know how they feel about something. Actually everyone is that way. People want to be heard without judgment.

I started with the top of his chest of drawers. There were some games. He didn't want to play with them anymore, so they went in the donate pile. Then we went to his closet. There were some science experiment type games that he received for his last birthday. He played with a lot of them and was now no longer interested. He said they could go. I noticed that kids have good memories of things, without the attachment that often comes as people get older. They know there will be something new, fun and interesting showing up, so no need to hang onto something that used to be those qualities.

If you have kids, it might be interesting to clutter bust with them. The more lighthearted the approach the better. You can use your curiosity to see how they let go. You might also feel a propensity to hang onto things rise up inside of you. I've seen some parents sometimes say to kids who want to toss something, "But you really like playing with that", or "Are you sure?", "But we spent a lot of money on that". It makes the kids question their intuitive sense of deciding. It's better to watch in silence, encourage them, or tell them they're doing a great job.

An Investigative Adventure in Your Kitchen

When I work with clients, sometimes I help them clutter bust the things in their refrigerator. They often find old food and condiments that they are no longer using. These things get overlooked. That makes sense. We tend to see the things we are looking for. If something is no longer a part of our life, we tend not to notice it.

So, I was thinking that this weekend, you can take a trash bag and head on over to your fridge. You can consider yourself an explorer or an archaeologist on an adventure. You'll open the fridge door and start the investigation. Pick one area and start with the first thing you see. Would you eat this today? Would you add it to food you are cooking for lunch for dinner? Would you buy it if you were in a grocery store today? If you feel hesitant, that thing is probably not a part of your current diet. It's worth tossing. You'll notice it feels good to toss something you are no longer using.

Move on to the next item. Ask yourself the same questions. This is good to do because it's hard to want to hold onto something you no longer eat - it starts to get moldy, it turns colors, it becomes a health hazard. Plus you get to enjoy the new space that you are creating in your fridge. Continue moving through the fridge.

Then move on to the freezer. It's amazing the things I've found in client's freezers. Sometimes they can't figure out what the frozen clump of something is. They'll try taking a closer look, and even try smelling it to try and figure it out. That's hard because frozen things tend to not smell. They usually end up tossing it. Somethings have been in the freezer for a couple of years. They'll finally come to the conclusion that if they haven't eaten it in that long, they're not going to eat it tonight.

When you are done with the freezer and you feel like moving on, might I suggest you move your investigations into your spice area? Clients often discover that they own five or six of the same spice. They have so many that they couldn't keep track of what they had and they bought additionals. Many of the old spices have gone way past their expiration dates. They often end up reducing down their spices to one each.

We love having choices, but it turns out we prefer things simpler. Less choices, less chaos. This can extend to other parts of your home too.