When I come into my client's living space there is often a heavy feeling in the air. They are stuck and unhappy. They feel something is wrong with them because they couldn't fix the situation on their own. It feels like there is a lethargy in their soul. I also know they are hypnotized by their stuff. They are caught in the web of unconscious emotional attachment. I have to be present for them and ask them questions about the things they've surrounded themselves with so they can release themselves from the misery and be present for themselves again.
Yesterday I was working with a man who was in deep sorrow about a relationship. He was missing his ex-girlfriend. They had been a couple thirty years ago. She broke up with him because she wanted to have a kid and he didn't. They got together again three years ago. He wanted to marry her. She refused. She now had a daughter and said he didn't make enough money to support them. They broke up again. They still talked on the phone, but he always felt sad and lonely after he hung up. He kept telling me how great things used to be and how it could be again if she changed her mind. He sounded like he was drowning in his heart. As an outsider it can seem like, "Why doesn't he just see that it's not good for him." But when someone is emotionally attached, they can't see beyond what the hypnosis of what they feel.
I said, "You want to hang onto this relationship because of how you think you would feel if something was happening, that is not happening." He ignored what I said and began to complain again about how she had treated him. I said, "Are you telling me how badly you feel by being in this situation with the hope that the opposite happens?" He started telling me in a rambling fashion about a panic attack he had that followed their last phone conversation. I said, "You're emotionally embroiled with this women right now, and she isn't even here. It's causing you tremendous pain and distress, and you want to continue hanging on to the hope of getting what you want. Everything she gives you is a no to what you want. The clutter is the trance you are in, trying to maintain the fantasy of being in relationship with her. The pain you are experiencing is the holding on. And you've been holding on for over thirty years. Imagine how much of you that is being used up, and what little is left over to enjoy your life now. "
He was quiet. I could feel the absence of the hypnosis and the obsession. I could sense the return of his presence. He said simply, "I don't want to do that anymore." He was exhausted, but there was a power and mightiness in him. I said, "It's good to have you back." He smiled and said, "Yes."