Knowing When to Say No

I worked with a client in her living room. We stood in front of her bookcase. She held both her palms to her face and her mouth hung open. Her eyes were dull and glassy. She was overwhelmed. I said, "Let's go through these and see what we can find!" She didn't want to. The idea made her nauseous.

I had her sit own on her couch and relax. I said, "You're very tense. The main first thing is to take it easy. This makes your mind clearer so it will be easy and obvious when it comes to making decisions."

I sat on the floor in front of the bookshelf. I held up one book. I said, "How about this one?" She said, "That was a great book." I said, "You used past tense. That means it's no longer a part of your life. It's easy to feel attached to something because of your memories. You remember feeling good, and course you want to feel good again, but this did the job in the past, and it's not doing it now. Let's give something new a chance to come in to your life and fill the space this leaves." She agreed.

I pulled out another book. She looked at it and said, "That's supposed to be really good." I said, "You're not saying that you like it. You're saying what others have told you how they feel about it. You want things in your home that mean something to you." She let that one go.

She came across another and her eyes lit up. I pointed that out to her. She said, "I really want to read that book!" I said, "That's the feeling that shows you something is part of your life right now."

I held up another. She had the disinterested look. She got it without me having to say anything and said to let it go.

We continued going through the rest of the books. I held up one at a time and halfway through considering each book, she began making decisions without me having to ask any questions. She was excited about how her own momentum kicked in and she was able to know and make decisions on her own.