It's Not Your Fault

A client was feeling badly about her life situation. She forlornly said, "I don't like where I'm working. I've been applying for other jobs and I'm not getting any of them. I feel I'm not finding the right work for myself because I'm not open enough for success."

I said, "It could be like that. But I like to think it's like the weather. We'd like to think we control it, but if it's raining, it's raining. When the sun is out, the sun is out. It's how things are. We get out our umbrella when it's raining. It's scary to think that's how things are though because we'd like to control our lives. So we invent reasons for why things are the way they are. They give us a false sense of control."

She said, "Well, how do I know when I need to change something and how do I know when it's the weather?"

I said, "By taking a quiet look around and noticing what is and seeing if there's something you can do about it, or is it out of your control. In your circumstance, you didn't like your work situation, so you decided to make a change by applying for other jobs. But none of those jobs have come through. At that point, that's the weather. It's what is. But that made you feel powerless, so you reacted by saying you weren't open for success. Blaming yourself gave you a feeling of control. It didn't support you though. It didn't create change. It made you feel worse. It's clutter. Seeing this hopefully helps you stop relying on it as a solution. And maybe it will create space in you to draw in something new and supportive."