I was working with a couple in their bedroom. They were in a pretty good mood until they stood by the bed. The man looked happy. But the woman had her arms tightly crossed and she looked like she was brooding.
I said to them, "Do you both like this bed?"
He said, "Yes." At the same moment she said, "No, I hate the frame!"
He was surprised. She seemed that way too.
He said to her, "I thought you liked it."
She said with tremendous feeling, "I've never liked it."
I said, "How long have you been sleeping on this bed?"
She said, "Eight years. I've always hated it."
He said to her, "How come you didn't say anything?"
She said, "Well, you really liked it, so I didn't want to say anything."
I said, "It's important to have a bed that you love. Can we let this go?"
They both agreed. We dismantled the frame and took it outside. He called a charity group to have them come and pick it up. Then they went online and looked at bed frames. They picked and order one they both loved.
Sometimes one member of a couple will silently endure a shared item that she dislikes. She keeps the peace by letting it be. But meanwhile it agitates and jars her life on a daily basis. This affects the overall health of the partnership which she was trying to maintain by her actions. Being matter of fact about your feelings in an open way brings back the flow which is the life blood of the couple. The relationship itself is a thing just as much as the particular item in question.