Bypassing Attachment

I asked my client about the chest of drawers in her living room. She was silent. It was a heavy quietness. I could hear the pull of emotions going on inside of her. She said it had been part of her life when she was a girl, but she hadn't cared about it for a number of years. It was right next to her front door. She said every time she came home and saw it sitting there, it bothered her. But she couldn't say that she was ready to let it go.

When we feel an attachment for something that is not serving us, the thing we are mulling over can feel like a living thing. Our memories make it feel that way. It can even feel like a part of us. It seems unnatural to throw it out. But that's how it seems.

There are things going on out of the range of our awareness. For instance, it's common to feel a resistance to change. We get used to something being a certain way and its hard for us to welcome something new. Even if the old thing isn't bringing us benefit. Even if that thing bothers us. Add onto that the memory associations that go off inside of you when your attention goes onto the thing. You don't see the memories, but you feel them. Their sensations pulse through you and take up your attention.

I helped her bypass what she was feeling by saying, "Every day when you come home from work, you are greeted by this piece of furniture that really bothers you. When you talk about it, you look pinched. Your face scrunches up, your shoulders hunch up, your voice is tense, your eyes squint. You are intimidated by this old wooden thing from the past. That's going to affect your time at home. Your home is a place to recover from the world. When things in your home act as bullies, when they make you feel uncomfortable in your space, then they are not making your life better. They are harming you. Today we're removing all bullies so you can feel peaceful in your home. Can you let this one go?"

She got it. She said yes with a feeling of strength. We picked it up and brought it outside to the curb. She stood up for herself. It's great to watch people become immediate. They come to life rapidly. It's exciting to see.