So those videos I got rid of, the ones I mentioned in the last blog? There's still a tremendous feeling of freedom flowing from letting go of them. It took seeing a client hold onto all of her important cassettes to make me think of my videotapes. I'm no longer hooked into having to maintain or preserve this idea of having people watch my videos or try to get a TV show. Now I have all this energy and space for other projects.
It made me think that trying to preserve the past is such a frustrating experience, because it's no longer here. The current moment, meanwhile, really demands our complete attention. Trying to maintain, preserve, and protect something that meant a lot to me in the past interfered with the things that are important to me now. Nothing can be as satisfying as something that's occurring right now.
It's kind of like I'm married to the current moment, and I was having an affair with the past. I could never be out of the current moment, but instead of experiencing it fully, the current moment made me feel sad and tired because I didn't have the energy for it.
So now I'm on vacation for a couple of days. The great thing about being on vacation is there's nothing else but the people I'm with and the place where I am. There's waves, a dog, a pool, a beach. It's so much more alive than having certain things I think I need to have and trying to keep them in order. There's something so much more fulfilling about just enjoying what's right here -- more fulfilling than anything I could think of purchasing or owning.