How to Clutter Bust an Idea

"How can you clutter bust an idea? I've noticed that if I have a really good day, then the next day I almost sabotage my experience so that I feel kind of miserable. Then I'm allowed to have another good day. I don't want to believe that I have to break up my happiness with misery, but that's what I seem to believe. How do I clutter bust the idea that I'm not allowed to just be happy for two days in a row?"

It's funny the things we believe. It's like there's a part of us that tells us, "This Is The Way It Is." It can feel like an invisible harness that controls our movements. The sense is that this belief is bigger than us because we are powerless when it rears its head.

It helps to see that we are not authoring this belief. It affects our actions, but you didn't decide, "Okay, it makes sense to me that I can only have a day of happiness, and so of course I need to counter it with a day of unhappiness and misery." The way we think and live are the results of millions of influences, mostly unseen, both conditioned and genetic, that we can't even begin to assess. We can actually be in awe of what it took to make us do the things we wish we didn't. You can begin to see, "It's not my fault."

When we blame ourselves, we suffer. "Why am I doing this to myself? I shouldn't be acting this way. I'm a terrible person." Then we have the behavior that we don't care for, with the additional topping of the guilt and shame, which definitely assures you won't be happy for a second day in a row.

Seeing the vast influences behind your behavior may bring you compassion. Compassion is seeing what is without the judgments about our actions. "Wow, this is pretty interesting that I'm rationing out an allowance of good days. If I were doing the choosing, I would have unlimited happy days. But there's this big unseen hand that goes, 'Nope, I don't think so. You're gonna have a bad day now. Here it is. Suffer. But not to worry, after you've agonized through this one, you get a better one tomorrow.'"

I think the majority of suffering is thinking things shouldn't be the way they are. It's a violent reaction to what is. "This shouldn't be!" But it is. Things may not be that way in the future. But they are now. Resistance can often make our behaviors stronger. Not resisting or fighting this particular belief, but observing it with curiosity, like watching a worm squiggle across the sidewalk, might bring some relief.

Maybe you will still feel like a bad day has to follow a good day. But your acceptance of your belief and behavior might make for a better day. Maybe it turns out to be a new kind of day. One where you don't try and control things as much. One where something unpleasant happens and you go, "Oh, well." It could be a day where you notice what you think and do, rather than judge it as good or bad. Perhaps this new kind of day can bring you a peace of mind. This could be a new definition of a good day.