Bedrooms are the couple's headquarters. It's where a couple comes together at the end of day and reconnects. But often the things in the bedroom are a distraction from connection. It's worth taking a closer look.
If you are part of a couple, I'd like you to consider the idea of setting up the bedroom to support your relationship. This would involve the two of you clutter busting this room together. You can openly talk about what makes you feel closer. This also means finding the things that get in the way of your connection.
I remember one couple standing next to their bed. The man was relaxed. The woman was tense. I said to them, "Do you like the bed?" He said yes. She said, "No!" They were both surprised at her response. He asked her what she was feeling. She said that she'd always hated the bed frame. They'd been sleeping on it for eight years. She felt that since her husband liked it, she would go along with his choice. That must have been hard on their relationship. He cared for her and suggested they get rid of the frame. She was grateful. We took apart the frame and put it outside in the driveway for a charity pickup. They went out shopping that day for a new frame.
I'd like the two of you to take a tour of your bedroom and ask each other how you feel about each thing. Think in terms of what brings you together. Pick the first item and ask each other, "Do you like this?" "Does this bring us together?" "Does it pull your attention from me?" You want to avoid trying to talk your partner out of their opinion, or trying to defend your point of view." You want to feel free to speak your feelings, and be open to listening.
I worked with one couple who were bitter and defensive towards one another. I helped them clutter bust the bedroom together. They were initially at odds. But then the focus went from their anger to simple yes or no questions in the moment. They cleared off the rat's nest from their night stands. They let go of the huge TV that dominated the room. They took down all the noisy framed photos from the walls. They removed the warehouse of stuff from under their bed. They really came together on a huge framed piece of art on their bedroom wall. They were surprised neither of them cared for the art. When they were done, the room was peaceful and quiet. The couple was giddy with their connection.
This approach can also be used if you are single. You can clutter bust your bedroom with the feeling of caring for yourself. What things in the bedroom disrupt you from having an intimate connection with yourself?
This process encourages kindness with you and your partner, and essentially kindness with yourself. We don't have control over the world, but we can discover what we can do to make our homes a sweeter place to be.
I'm available to work with couples. I've helped a lot of couples decide what fits and doesn't fit in their lives. It can help to have an outside encouraging and nurturing voice. Most of the time I work in person with clients. But recently I've been working with some clients online through video Skype and iChat. I can be reached at email@example.com