I feel overwhelmed.

I feel like there's a lot going on and it's sweeping me along with it. I'm feeling vulnerable.

But I don't want to close up shop and disappear and hide somewhere, because I imagine I'd still feel vulnerable.

There's a huge vitality in this too. Like a sun-sized flame of life and vitality in me and in my awareness. It pulses through everything. It's almost as if everything is that flame.

At the same time I feel the vulnerability, and I feel like I could get hurt. And I don't like that feeling!

I feel less safe when I'm vulnerable. But here's the thing. It feels scary, but I'm not being threatened or hurt or seriously injured. The feeling is that I could be, but it's not happening. That's the feeling of not hiding behind anything.

There's the appearance of safety when I'm hiding, which takes away the sensitivity and enjoyment as well as the fear. And then there's the actual experience of what's happening right now, which is much more satisfying, and takes care of that longing feeling. But it's scary.

I think it's really easy to hide behind stuff, whether it's an activity, an idea about something, a self image, or if I own something that I think will make me stronger. But hiding behind those things feels like it would hurt me more than the feeling of vulnerability and openness.