A Page from the Diary of Clutter

(This is from a blog post I wrote a few years ago. It's nice to know clutter's perspective.)

Dear Diary,

Today a big man came by and asked my owner if she needed me or if she could let me go. I thought, "What the hell is going on here?" I couldn't believe someone was questioning my worth. But then I was astounded when she didn't try and defend me. She was actually thinking about it. Then I thought, “well of course she needs me.” But I got scared when I noticed she was having a hard time about it. The big man said, "Would you buy this today if you were out shopping?" Can you believe that she responded, “No”? I was distraught.

They put me in a box with other refugees. I sat next to three mugs, a stack of CDs, a pair of shorts, and eleven picture frames. I thought, "If I can just make myself look shiny, she'll change her mind." I spun myself against the shorts. I looked great. But she didn't notice. She just kept saying no to things and adding them to the box. Pretty soon I couldn't see what was going on. Then the box got moved for a while.

The next thing I know, the box was set down, and she said, "I'd like to donate these things." My heart dropped. I thought, "What, are you kidding me? There's been a big mistake." But then she said, "This is all good stuff. I just don't need it anymore." That's when I got it. I didn't do anything wrong. I was of service to her while she needed me. But now she doesn't need me anymore.

So, now I get to be of service to someone else. I felt much better. I'm looking forward to seeing who I can help out next.

The Ronald Reagan Collector's Plate