Yesterday I spent more time than usual trying to write my blog post. Usually I can write and edit it in about an hour.
I tried pulling an old post out because it was on my mind. I tried to re-edit it, but it didn't feel right. I thought, "I'm spending too much time on this." But I really wanted to have a post for you this morning.
I tried working on it again last night, and that's when I became very aware of the clutter in that situation. I was trying to control and manipulate the post. I was feeling stuck, but I was trying to push through that rather than noticing that I was stuck.
An important part of the clutter busting process is recognizing, "This is stuck right now. Okay," instead of trying to ignore the stuckness and frustration. In other words, having an openness to it and not trying to fight it. The openness is where the solutions come in.
The last pushing-through I did was bringing the computer to bed with me. My girlfriend and I like to have time together before we go to sleep. But I was there with the computer, still trying to be triumphant and write this thing. Then I started coughing, which is always a sign that I'm tired. It's like my body applying the breaks. I was coughing a lot, and I *still* wanted to keep writing this. Finally, I realized I couldn't, and I let it go. I recognized it was okay -- I didn't have to finish it.
I realized I needed to enjoy writing these blog posts. And it was important to respect the stuckness; it's what was going on for me. It was telling me something.
The great thing is, this morning I woke up and I felt much better. I was talking with my girlfriend about this experience, and she suggested I write a post about that. I thought, "Perfect!"