I was really sick the first half of this year. My lungs were slowly deteriorating. I had lung scarring that was a result of inhaling some things from my job as a clutter buster. A few jobs were very filthy with mold and animal feces abounding.
I tried repairing my lungs in various alternative ways. I wanted to avoid getting a lung transplant. That seemed scary and dangerous, plus a part of me was very attached to my lungs. But none of my attempts to get better worked. Finally I admitted to myself that my lungs were no longer serving me and they had to go.
I felt very much like my clients when they realize that something is no longer a part of their life and is interfering from enjoying the things that actually matter to them in the moment. It was sobering.
The moment when I realized my lungs had to go came when I was taking a bath. I was feeling lousy and felt like giving up. All of sudden I got this deep feeling from within myself that said, "I want to live!" Tears came pouring out of my eyes. I felt the desperation evaporate. I knew that the lung transplant was the way to go. I would be letting go of lungs that were no longer keeping me healthy and getting lungs that would bring me back to health. It wasn't that long afterwards that the transplant happened.
Since the transplant I've been feeling very alive. I feel like I got my life back. There's that freedom feeling that comes from letting go of something that was dragging me down.
I think this will be the first of more posts in which I discuss my experience with the transplant. I am just beginning to explore what it really meant in my life.