I was working with a client who was blaming her clutter situation on her organizer. She said her organizer encouraged her to keep things and put the stuff into containers.
The organizer came over during the clutter bust. She blamed him for the clutter to his face. He accused her of hanging on to things when he tried to get her to let go of what she was no longer using.
They were tearing into each other with harsh words. I asked them to stop. I said what they were saying wasn't helping the situation. It made things worse. Their words were hurting each other.
The organizer said he always left her place in tears. She said that wasn't true. I said that he was saying his feelings were hurt. I said I felt like hers were too. I commented that it seemed like deep down they cared for one another, and this made them feel vulnerable, and they tried protecting themselves with caustic words.
My client and her organizer were quiet. I could see they were reflecting on what had been said. I said that when they hurt each other with words, they were creating clutter in their relationship because it wasn't serving either of them. They would be better off if they were kind to one another. It would help if they took the time to listen to the other person without reacting by attacking them. Everyone wants to feel like they've been heard.
What we're all essentially looking for is to feel a connection. They got it. They spoke more softly to one another and avoided the protective reactions. We were able to continue the clutter bust, all working together.