Being Compassionate

My phone client said, "I'm feeling beaten and defeated."

Her mom died not long ago. She had to move her father into an assisted living home. She then had to clutter bust her parents house on her own and sell it.

She cried as she said she wasn't able to take care of herself during that time and things piled up at home. The state of her place had made her feel sad and she did retail therapy to feel better. This put her in debt, which made her feel guilty.

She got down on herself for being in this situation. She felt she shouldn't have let things get that bad. Also, she was critical of herself for not being able to clutter bust on her own.

I said that it made sense that she felt stuck and that she wasn't able to help herself. She was physically and emotionally overwhelmed. Everyone has a threshold and when they reach it they shut down. Their capacity and clarity are diminished.

When we get run down and shut down, we sometimes react with self-criticism, hoping it will help us fix the situation. But it depletes us even more.

I encouraged my client to be kind to herself. In a situation like she had been in, it was understandable that she couldn't take care of herself. I said if she was outside taking a walk, and she saw someone fall and hurt themselves, she wouldn't say, "They should be able to get up." She would rush to help them. She would understand that they were hurt and needed assistance.

In her situation, she was hurt. She couldn't take care of herself. The first step in healing would be seeing the situation for what it was. That meant forgiving herself for being stuck amidst her clutter. That meant understanding her need to buy things to feel better. That also meant being okay about hiring someone to help her get up again.

She got it that it was okay to be compassionate to herself.

This released the shackles she had put on herself for being wrong.

She began going through her things. She was able to think clearly and separate out things that she no longer cared for our used from the things she liked and were an active part of her life.

After we finished working, my client kept working on her own. She sent me an email a few hours later and said, "Here's something I found under our work pile today--a dish that has encouraging stones in it.  (It's a fish because I'm a Pisces.)  Dusted and off the floor, it's very pleasant to have."