I was going through clothes with my client. She came upon a scarf that she unhappily said she should keep.
I said that should is not a criteria to keep something. Should is saying you don't like it but other people say you should. So a part of you gives up and acquiesces.
She said she never wore the scarf, but should keep it because there might be an occasion to wear it someday. She said that it was a neutral color, but didn't say she liked the color. She said it was important to have neutral things in your wardrobe. She trailed off in her words. She didn't know what to do. She seemed stressed.
I said being stuck is a great place to be because it's an opportunity to look deeper into yourself and see what's going on.
I asked if she liked the shirt she was wearing. She started smiling. She said, "Yes, I love the color!"
I said when something fits our life, we use a few words of delight to say so. There's no inner drama.
But when something doesn't serve us, we use a lot of words to talk about the item, person, or activity. We use defensive statements to back up why we should keep it, or describe what we are questioning without saying that we like it.
My client took a moment and reflected. Then her troubled look went away and she said, "This is a be nice girl scarf. It says 'be
She said she didn't want that in her life and decided to donate
the scarf. She seemed relieved.
I think sometimes we have an aversion to taking a deeper look because our feelings can be dark and not pleasant. There's some pain and it feels uncomfortable.
But by taking that look, there's an opportunity for a deeper insight. It's a chance to heal that pain and release it.