We can get so tangled up in the clutter in our lives that it can be hard to notice what's no longer serving us and what we love and enjoy. It can all look like one big conglomeration of stuff. This can make it intimidating to take a look.
What helps is to admit it's daunting. "This is a friggin' mess! I don't know where to start! Looking at this makes me want to give up." Let the feelings fly. There's relief in admitting to what is. Ignore any feelings of blame. You're just looking to see the situation for what it is. You're releasing all the feelings so you can have a clearer head about it.
This makes it easier to sit down amidst it all and begin to sort it out. The matter-of-factness about it is you're looking to separate out the clutter piece by piece. It's like untangling a wire, one loop at a time. You undo loop and it leads you to the next.
A while back I was working with a client who was standing amidst all the piles of stuff in his bedroom. He looked like a fractured man. I could see that he had given up. It made sense because here was this room that was meant for rest, and it was a cacophony of bits and pieces of who knows what. He said, "I'm so embarrassed to be living this way."
I took that opening and picked up some socks off the floor. I asked, "Do you still enjoy wearing these?" He thought about it and said he didn't. They went in the donate bin. I picked up an empty diet coke liter bottle. I asked if he plans for it. He said he didn't. It went in the trash bin.
I didn't tell my client what to think. I wanted him to get back in the experience of making decisions for himself. It's the making of decisions that gets us out of the mental shutdown.
After about a half an hour of my asking, he began to pick up the pieces and ask himself whether he loved and used something anymore or not. He was back on his feet.
I can relate to your client. Clutter is so overwhelming, and your approach and advice has gotten me through a lot of it too.
ReplyDeleteHowever, after months of procrastination, and days of actively working at it, I'm finally nearing the end of decluttering and organizing my home office. The strange thing is, I don't feel relief or elation or any thing positive.
I feel nauseous. My throat feels swollen, constricted.
Have you ever seen or experienced this?
Thanks Brooks!
Hi K.D.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to read about your nearing the end of decluttering your office.
I'm sorry you're feeling nauseous and your throat is bothering you. The only experience I had like this was with a few clients who felt nauseous during the clutter bust. It was usually when they came upon a heavy-duty piece of emotional clutter.
Maybe a part of you is feeling a little afraid to be uncluttered. Sometimes we can feel safer under our clutter. It can seem like a hiding place. That's actually common. The world can be a tough place. We can get overwhelmed, and look for ways to protect ourselves that don't make sense from an intellectual perspective. To not have the hiding place anymore can seem daunting.
I would try sitting in your home office space and trying out the clutter busting meditation that I posted yesterday. It's a way to get in touch with the finer level of things we are feeling. You can play the meditation, sit with your eyes closed and see what comes up. It would be nice to know.
Brooks :)